I get it. Really I do. I mean, I do attend IEP meetings for a living. I’ve been to dozens and dozens of them, all kinds of kids, all kinds of districts.
I’ve seen the good, the bad, the ugly…and even the unmentionable.
Here are some things you should know about refusing to sign the IEP.
what I can tell about you if you say you’re not signing the IEP
- You don’t agree with your child’s IEP. Well, duh, thanks Captain Obvious! But, most moms come to me with nothing more than a gut feeling. So when you are refusing to sign the IEP, your gut is telling you something. Listen to it. Pursue this, educate yourself and proceed.
- You feel powerless. Your IEP team may feel like 5 against 1, or even 10 or more. And you feel powerless, but the one power you have is your signature, and you’re going to withhold it.
- You don’t know what not signing the IEP means. The best case scenario is that withholding your signature from the IEP will do a whole lotta nothing. Worst case scenario, in my state, you withhold your signature from the NOREP (which is our signature form presented with the final IEP) and that means it automatically goes into effect in 10 days. How about that? So, before you stand your ground on not signing the IEP, you better look up what happens in your state if you don’t. For most states, nothing happens. California (I think!) requires your signature to proceed with it, but they are one of the few states that does. The exception is the initial IEP, but I’m not going to get into that, see Number 6.
- You are unaware of the powers that you do hold as a parent. Parents do have power in the IEP process, no matter what your team has made you feel like. Here is a list of 5 times during the IEP process when your participation is essential.
- You think that you are in this alone. We all feel alone at times. But kids with IEPs make up about 15% of the school population, so you are not alone. You feel alone, and that your only way to solve this is to not sign the IEP. Try my Facebook group, poke around your local community, but some how, some way, you’ve got to find a support system in this. Moms who go to IEP meetings with a friend or advocate, they don’t have to resort to “and I am not signing the IEP!”
- You need more IEP process knowledge. Find workshops. Look up your state’s parent training center (every state has one!). But in addition to the 5 things I gave you in Number 4, you need to learn how to use the IEP process strategically so that you don’t end up frazzled and exclaiming “I’m not signing this!”
In most cases, signing or not signing the IEP does very little. Sometimes it’s just an attendance sheet. In some states, it does mean approval. But like anything in the IEP process, you need to know what it means and not to assume anything. After all, you could be in my state and have it automatically go into effect!
But help is out there, find it and get yourself on the path to less stressful IEP meetings. Good luck.