10 Effective Replacement Behaviors and Strategies for Hitting and Aggression (Classroom and Home)

Many parents and caregivers struggle to manage aggressive behavior in children. These are the situations that can deteriorate quickly, particularly in schools with zero-tolerance policies around aggression. And unfortunately, aggressive behavior can become socially ostracizing for our kids. People become hesitant to work with them, include them, or understand what is actually happening beneath the behavior.

It is important to address the underlying causes of hitting and aggression, such as frustration, sensory overload, communication difficulties, emotional dysregulation, or lack of coping skills. And it is equally important to provide children with safe, appropriate replacement behaviors.

That means teaching replacement behaviors, not just rewarding and punishing behavior.

• IEP Goals for Perseveration and Perseverating Behaviors
• IEP Behavior Intervention Plans: He Has One, So Why Is Everything Still a Mess?
• 30 IEP Strategies for PDA and Masking Behaviors

My son rides a van with 2 other students. His nurse is on the van waiting for him every morning.

Today he wanted to take his Sesame Street microwave toy with him to school. He carried it with him down the front walk to the van. Despite the correct prompting, he was upset that I took the microwave from him so that his hands were free to get on the van.

So, he grabbed his nurse’s hair. He loves his nurse, his van squad and his school. She just got the brunt of his displeasure because she was closest. The behavior was not acceptable, but it also was not without reason, especially for a child with limited verbal skills.

There are many risks to not fixing this behavior, addressing the antecedents, and teaching the child the necessary skills.

• hitting and aggression may be treated punitively–with suspensions or expulsions
• your (my) child may be hit in retaliation from the person they hit, if they do not have proper self regulation
• it’s socially ostracizing and stigmatizing behavior

Examples of Aggression and Possible Replacement Behaviors

Not all aggressive behavior serves the same purpose. A child who hits because they are overwhelmed has very different needs from a child who hits to avoid work or gain attention. That’s why replacement behaviors should always be individualized and tied to the function of the behavior.

Challenging Behavior	Possible Function	Example Replacement Behavior
Hitting peers during transitions	Difficulty with transitions, overwhelm	Request a break, use visual countdown, ask for help
Throwing objects when work is presented	Escape/avoidance	Request assistance, ask for modified work, use “I need help” card
Aggression during noisy lunchroom or assemblies	Sensory overload	Request headphones, sensory break, quieter environment
Kicking staff when redirected	Frustration, emotional dysregulation	Use coping strategy, request space, practice regulation routine
Biting or scratching during communication frustration	Communication deficits	Use AAC device, visuals, gestures, or scripted phrases
Pushing peers to gain access to toys or materials	Delayed social/problem-solving skills	Practice turn-taking language and requesting
Aggression after unexpected schedule changes	Anxiety, rigidity, lack of predictability	Use visual schedules, preview changes, teach flexibility supports
Destroying materials during difficult tasks	Task avoidance or frustration	Ask for break, chunk assignments, request alternate format
Yelling or threatening peers during group work	Social stress, impulsivity	Request independent workspace, use self-monitoring tools
Running toward or hitting adults during distress	Seeking co-regulation or attention	Teach safe ways to seek adult support

Remember: replacement behaviors are not one-size-fits-all. The replacement skill has to meet the same need as the challenging behavior, otherwise the behavior is unlikely to decrease.

Antecedents to Hitting and Aggression

It’s important to address the antecedents to aggression. In my son’s scenario this morning, the antecedent was quite clear. I took something from him and he was not happy with that decision because he had not yet processed the reason.

Tomorrow morning, I will be more aware of this situation and will use preventative measures.

These may include:

• Not allowing the microwave to be his toy of choice in the morning
• taking the toy from him at the front door, before we walk to the van
• Fewer verbal prompts (he’s a slow processor)
• Keeping the microwave in his line of vision during the entire transition to the van (probably my least fave, because we can’t control our kids’ environment forever)

I don’t know which I will choose, but hitting his nurse or pulling her hair is not appropriate. And, he’s a teenager-a strong teenager. His nurse and I are forgiving when these incidents happen. The next caregiver may not be and abuse to our kids happens all the time.

Other antecedents to aggressive behavior or hitting are:

• sensory overload
• task avoidance or task refusal
• Interoception issues
• lack of emotional regulation skills
• no skill set to manage social situations (a peer cheated or didn’t play by the rules)
• being bullied
• does not have skill set to do what is asked of them (frustration)

I’m sure there are more, but make sure your child’s team has adequately addressed the antecedents.

Address the Antecedents

There was a discussion on my Facebook page recently, about sensory overload or sensory issues in the classroom. A mom posted something like “Well, his sensory issues are never going to change–the brightness of the lights is never going to not bother him.”

Ok, I get that. But, we can’t go snowplowing through our kids’ lives forever, plowing every antecedent out of the way.

I replied something like, “Yes, I get that. But, if the bright lights are bothering you, you can learn to ask to leave and go to a safe space, you can ask for sunglasses, or you can scream and carry on or do some other socially ostracizing behavior.”

All that to say, I get it. Our society doesn’t do enough–school or otherwise, to really figure out our kids and what is bothering them and make it better. We still have to teach them coping skills.

And, make sure your child has self-advocacy skills. Many students have IEP goals for self advocacy skills. Our kids need to be able to self-identify when they are reaching dysregulation, and how to ask for help or a brain break.

There are many possible replacement behaviors for hitting, depending on the child’s age, temperament, and interests.

Understanding the Causes of Aggressive Behaviors

1. Sensory Overload: Many autistic people have heightened sensitivities to sensory stimuli (like loud noises, bright lights, or crowded spaces), which can trigger aggressive reactions as a means to cope or communicate about their sensory discomfort.
2. Communication Difficulties: When children struggle to express their needs, feelings, or frustrations due to limited verbal skills or social communication challenges, aggression might become their default method of communication. The old adage, “all behavior tells you something” applies here. My son pulled his nurse’s hair. There was a reason–it was just not an appropriate response.
3. Emotional Regulation: Autistic children often face challenges in managing and regulating their emotions. This can lead to outbursts when they feel overwhelmed by anxiety, frustration, or anger.
4. Routine Disruption or Changes: Autistic people rely on routines and predictability. Changes or unexpected events can trigger anxiety and aggressive behaviors as a response to their discomfort with uncertainty.
5. Task Avoidance or Refusal: When they don’t want to do something, they might act out.
6. Interoception Issues: Trouble understanding internal body signals (like hunger or pain) can lead to frustration.
7. Social Challenges: Problems with peers or feeling bullied can trigger aggression.
8. Frustration with Expectations: Not knowing how to do what’s being asked can cause a meltdown.

Replacement Behaviors for Hitting

It is important to choose replacement behaviors that are compatible with the child’s developmental level and that provide a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

What I mean by that is–some kids will need direct instruction in this. This is where I find schools fall behind–not having the resources to do direct instruction, in the moment, teaching. You cannot just tell an autistic child, “Don’t hit him, take a few deep breaths instead.”

It requires in-the-moment instruction, teaching self-awareness, labeling emotions as they are developing and changing. Fight or flight, which is what happens in many aggressive incidents, is a primal response. Undeveloped SEL or executive functions will result in continuous incidents of fight or flight.

The best way to address hitting is to teach positive replacement behaviors that achieve the same goal (like expressing frustration or getting attention) without harm.

1. Positive Reinforcement: Praise and reward for using words or other non-aggressive methods to express needs.
2. Teach Emotional Self-Regulation: Skills like deep breathing or counting to ten help manage big emotions.
3. Model Appropriate Behavior: Show them how to use words, walk away, or use physical activity (like running) to channel energy.
4. Functional Alternatives: Encourage using a signal or phrase like “I need a break” when they feel overwhelmed.
5. Provide Physical Outlets: Activities like squeezing a stress ball or jumping jacks can help release tension.

Replacement Behaviors Are Not Consequences

One of the biggest misconceptions I see in Behavior Intervention Plans is the idea that replacement behaviors are consequences. They are not.

A replacement behavior is a skill the child is taught to use instead of the unsafe or inappropriate behavior. It should be explicitly taught, practiced, reinforced, and supported across environments.

Consequences happen after a behavior occurs. Replacement behaviors are proactive supports designed to prevent the behavior from happening in the first place.

For example:

• “Student will lose recess if he hits” is a consequence.
• “Student will request a break using a visual card when frustrated” is a replacement behavior.

Too many behavior plans focus heavily on punishments and reactive strategies while spending very little time teaching the child what to do instead. If a child lacks emotional regulation skills, communication skills, flexibility, coping strategies, or sensory supports, removing privileges does not magically create those skills.

A good behavior plan should answer this question: “What are we actively teaching this child to do instead?”

Behavior Plans for Aggression

One of the biggest mistakes I see in FBAs and Behavior Intervention Plans is choosing replacement behaviors that are too vague. ‘Use coping skills’ or ‘make good choices’ are not measurable skills. A replacement behavior should be observable, teachable, and realistic for the child in that moment.

A replacement behavior should serve the same function as the challenging behavior. If a child hits to escape difficult work, the replacement behavior must help them appropriately request a break or assistance. If aggression happens during sensory overload, the replacement behavior might involve requesting quiet space, movement, or regulation support.

Identify Aggression Triggers

Before teaching replacement behaviors for aggression, it is essential to identify the triggers that lead to aggressive behavior. Common triggers include frustration, fear, anxiety, and sensory overload.

The individual may have difficulty communicating their needs or may struggle with impulse control, leading to aggression. Again, if a child does not have the skill set to identify a situation and respond appropriately, fight-or-flight incidents will continue to occur.

Teach Coping Strategies

Once triggers have been identified, teaching coping strategies is the next step. Coping strategies can help the individual manage their emotions and reduce the likelihood of aggressive behavior.

Coping strategies can include deep breathing, counting to ten, taking a break, or engaging in a calming activity such as drawing or listening to music. It is important to teach coping strategies when the individual is calm and not in the midst of an aggressive episode.

Social Skills Training

Social skills training can help individuals with aggression learn appropriate ways to communicate their needs and interact with others. Social skills training can include role-playing, modeling, and direct instruction.

The individual can learn how to express their emotions in a non-threatening way and how to problem-solve conflicts. Social skills training can also help the individual develop empathy for others, which can reduce aggressive behavior.

Identifying triggers, teaching coping strategies, and social skills training are effective replacement behaviors for aggression. By implementing these strategies, caregivers and teachers can help individuals with aggression manage their emotions and develop appropriate social skills.

“Keeping Hands to Self” Is Not a Replacement Behavior

I see this phrase in IEPs and behavior plans constantly: “Student will keep hands to self.”

But that is not actually a replacement behavior. It is an expectation or rule.

Replacement behaviors need to be:

• observable
• teachable
• specific
• realistic
• connected to the function of the behavior

“Keep your hands to yourself” does not tell the child what skill to use when they are overwhelmed, frustrated, overstimulated, anxious, impulsive, dysregulated, or unable to communicate their needs.

Think about it this way: if a child already had the skills needed to regulate themselves in that moment, they probably would not be hitting. Instead, behavior plans should identify the actual skill deficit.

Examples include:

• requesting a break
• asking for help
• using an AAC device
• identifying emotions
• using calming strategies
• tolerating frustration
• waiting appropriately
• requesting sensory input
• using safe movement alternatives
• practicing self-advocacy language

Simply repeating “keep hands to self” without teaching replacement skills often leads to repeated discipline without meaningful behavior change.

Replacement Behavior Examples by Student Need

Autistic Students

For autistic students, aggressive behavior is often connected to communication barriers, sensory overload, anxiety, unpredictability, or difficulty with transitions.

Replacement behaviors might include:

• using visuals or AAC
• requesting sensory breaks
• asking for space
• using headphones or regulation tools
• accessing predictable routines
• using scripts for self-advocacy

Behavior plans should avoid assuming behavior is “noncompliance” without first considering sensory and communication needs.

ADHD

Students with ADHD may struggle with impulsivity, emotional regulation, frustration tolerance, and inhibition.

Replacement behaviors may include:

• movement breaks
• self-monitoring systems
• cueing strategies
• asking for help before escalation
• using fidgets appropriately
• practicing pause-and-respond strategies
• structured choices

Expecting a child with impulsivity challenges to simply “stop hitting” without teaching regulation strategies is often unrealistic.

Trauma Histories

Children with trauma histories may react aggressively when they feel unsafe, cornered, embarrassed, or overwhelmed.

Replacement behaviors should focus on:

• co-regulation
• identifying triggers
• safe escape strategies
• calming routines
• relationship-building
• predictable environments
• emotional vocabulary

Trauma-informed behavior support should prioritize safety and regulation over punishment.

Communication Deficits

Some students become aggressive because they cannot effectively communicate:

• frustration
• pain
• confusion
• sensory discomfort
• fatigue
• social conflict
• academic overwhelm

These students may need:

• AAC supports
• visual supports
• simplified language
• communication scripts
• wait time
• functional communication training

If communication is the root issue, disciplinary approaches alone are unlikely to resolve the behavior.

Sensory Overload

Sensory overload is frequently overlooked in behavior plans.

Students may become aggressive when environments are:

• too loud
• visually overwhelming
• crowded
• unpredictable
• physically uncomfortable

Replacement supports may include:

• sensory breaks
• alternative seating
• reduced stimuli
• movement opportunities
• calming corners
• sensory tools
• environmental modifications

If the environment itself is contributing to dysregulation, the solution cannot rest entirely on the child.

Classroom and Teacher Examples

Teachers are often expected to manage aggressive behavior without enough support, training, staffing, or behavioral resources. That’s one reason why replacement behaviors matter so much in school settings.

A teacher cannot effectively implement a behavior plan if the plan only says:

• “student will stop hitting”
• “student will comply”
• “student will keep hands to self”

Those statements do not provide actionable interventions. Instead, classroom-based behavior plans should include:

• what triggers are being addressed
• what proactive supports are available
• what skill is being taught
• what adults should do before escalation
• what regulation supports are available
• how progress will be measured

For example, instead of: “Student will not hit peers during centers.” A stronger plan might say: “When frustrated during centers, student will request teacher assistance using a visual card in 4 out of 5 opportunities.”

Or: “When overwhelmed during transitions, student will use a designated calming strategy before entering the next activity.”

The more specific the replacement behavior, the more likely staff can teach and reinforce it consistently.

A replacement behavior cannot work if:

• staff are not trained on it
• the supports are inconsistently available
• expectations differ by classroom
• the child only practices the skill after a crisis already occurs

Replacement behaviors are not about excusing aggression. They are about teaching safer, more effective ways for students to communicate needs, regulate emotions, and participate successfully in school environments.

The key is to get the child physical aggression support–which is most often treated punitively instead of supported.

Teach Emotional Regulation Strategies

Again, both parents, teachers (and aides, paras, etc.) must address these moments in real time as they are happening.

1. Deep Breathing Exercises: Encourage deep breathing techniques (e.g., “Take five deep breaths”) to help calm down when they feel the urge to use verbal aggression.
2. Count to Ten: Teach the child to pause and count to ten before responding when they feel angry or frustrated.
3. Use a Calm Down Space: Create a designated calm-down area where the child can go to relax and self-regulate when they start feeling overwhelmed.
4. Ask for Help: Teach the child to ask for help from an adult or peer when they are feeling overwhelmed or do not know how to handle a situation.
5. Request a Break: Encourage the child to use a signal or a phrase (like “I need a break”) when they need time away from a situation that may be triggering their aggression.
6. Teach Positive Affirmations: Encourage the child to use positive self-talk or affirmations when they are upset (e.g., “I can handle this,” or “I can stay calm”). This helps shift their mindset and reduces the likelihood of verbal aggression.
7. Physical Outlets: Sometimes, verbal aggression stems from pent-up energy. Encourage the child to engage in a physical activity, like jumping jacks, a short walk, or squeezing a stress ball, to release tension.
8. Positive Attention Requests: Teach the child to appropriately seek attention (e.g., saying, “Look at me,” or “I need you to listen to me”). Reinforce positive behaviors when they seek attention appropriately.
9. Journaling or Drawing: Encourage the child to write in a journal or draw pictures to express their feelings when they are upset or angry. This can serve as an alternative outlet for their emotions.
10. Teach Humor as a Coping Mechanism: Help the child use humor to lighten the mood and diffuse their own anger or frustration.

Preventing Aggressive Behaviors is Possible

I know that some of you may be reading this and think, “really? a journal or coloring book is going to fix this?”

Yes, these strategies actually work. The problem usually lies in schools being under-resourced and not having the staff to handle these situations in real time, or enough to be consistent.

But real-time coaching and teaching works. No, if a child has an incident, handing them a coloring book or journal for two hours after the fact won’t do squat.

It’s having the adult present in the moment, observing the child’s emotions change, helping them identify the emotions, label them, give them options, and helping them respond appropriately.

And schools don’t do that–they don’t have the resources to do it without being forced to. And, let’s face it, most parents struggle to do this stuff consistently too. We all have our own work day, other kids, life’s stressors, that strain our patience at home.

• Consistency is Crucial: Ensure that all adults involved (parents, teachers, caregivers) use the same language, strategies, and responses to reinforce these replacement behaviors consistently.
• Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and praise the child whenever they use a replacement behavior instead of verbal aggression. This helps reinforce the new, positive behaviors.
• Practice Regularly: Practice these replacement behaviors in different settings and situations. Role-playing and rehearsing them when the child is calm will increase their likelihood of success during moments of stress.

By consistently teaching and reinforcing these replacement behaviors, you can help a child with autism or other challenges find more constructive ways to express themselves, reducing the frequency and intensity of verbal aggression over time.

IEP Strategies for Managing Aggressive Behaviors

1. Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA): Conducting an FBA can help identify the triggers and functions of aggressive behavior. Understanding what precedes the behavior (antecedent) and what follows it (consequence) can guide the development of an effective Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP).
2. Behavior Intervention Plans (BIPs): These plans are tailored to the individual child and should include positive behavior supports, such as teaching alternative behaviors to aggression, reinforcing positive behavior, and providing clear expectations and routines.
3. Sensory Accommodations: Modify the environment to reduce sensory overload. This might involve creating a quiet corner, using noise-canceling headphones, or allowing breaks from overstimulating environments.
4. Communication Supports: Use visual supports, communication devices, or alternative communication methods to help the child express their needs and feelings more effectively, reducing frustration.
5. Teach Emotional Regulation Skills: Incorporate strategies that help the child recognize and manage their emotions. This could include social stories, emotion cards, deep-breathing exercises, or sensory tools like stress balls.
6. Consistent Routines and Predictability: Keep daily routines consistent and provide visual schedules to help the child anticipate what will happen next. Prepare them in advance for any changes to the routine.
7. Positive Reinforcement: Reinforce positive behaviors consistently. Reward systems, like token economies or visual charts, can motivate the child to use appropriate behaviors instead of aggression. (this is once we are sure that the child has all the skills)
8. Training for Staff and Caregivers: Ensure that everyone involved with the child understands their specific needs, triggers, and the strategies in their BIP. Consistent implementation across settings (home, school, community) is key.
9. Seek Outside Support: Engage professionals like behavior therapists, occupational therapists, or speech-language pathologists to support with specific interventions tailored to the child’s needs.

Specific IEP Considerations for Aggression

Parents can advocate for the following in their child’s IEP to address aggressive behaviors:

• Behavior Goals: These should be specific, measurable, and aimed at replacing aggressive behavior with positive alternatives.
• Sensory Breaks: Regular breaks throughout the day to prevent sensory overload.
• Communication Goals: Goals focused on improving expressive and receptive communication skills.
• Professional Support Services: Ensure access to a behavior specialist or therapist to support both at school and at home.

I want to add a quick paragraph about wrestling. Because a few of you have emailed me to ask about that. When kids are wrestling, if it’s just fun wrestling, I personally may not have a problem with it. I understand how that won’t work in a classroom setting. I also acknowledge how wrestling can get out of hand.

This is why Temple Grandin invented her squeeze machine. She needed that sensory input. That is the avenue I would pursue.

But to me, frequently wanting to wrestle indicates a sensory need to me–whether that’s gross motor movement, resistance, grabbing, feeling someone grab them–it very well might be satisfying a sensory need.

Ultimately, replacement behaviors are about teaching skills, not just stopping behaviors. When a child is hitting, kicking, throwing objects, or acting aggressively, the behavior is communicating something, even if the child cannot yet explain it appropriately. Effective behavior plans move beyond punishment and focus on identifying the function of the behavior, teaching safer alternatives, and providing the supports the student needs to be successful. The goal is not simply compliance. The goal is helping the child build communication, regulation, coping, and problem-solving skills that will serve them long after the behavior itself decreases.