Teenager Lacking Social Skills? 10 Methods to Improve People Skills.

As a teenager, it can be tough to navigate the social world. Adolescents are going through a lot of changes as they transition from childhood to adulthood, and this can lead to some awkward social interactions.

However, some teenagers may struggle more than others, and may lack the social skills needed to form meaningful relationships with their peers.

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Understanding Teen Social Development is an important first step in identifying whether a teenager is struggling with social skills. Adolescents are going through a lot of changes during this time, and their brains are still developing.

This can make it difficult for them to regulate their emotions and impulses, and to understand social cues and norms. It’s important to recognize that social development is a process, and that some teenagers may need more support than others to develop these skills.

Identifying Lack of Social Skills can be challenging, as there is no one-size-fits-all definition of what constitutes “good” social skills. However, some signs that a teenager may be struggling include difficulty making friends, avoiding social situations, or seeming withdrawn or anxious in social situations.

It’s important to approach this issue with empathy and understanding, and to work with the teenager to identify areas where they may need support.

Your IEP

First, I have several other posts about this issue and your IEP, like a list of Social Skills IEP Goals. Yes, IEP teams have to address this if it’s a skill deficit for your child.

However, parents need to take ownership too. Your child is only in school for about 180 days a year, and only 6-7 hours a day. The other 18 hours a day, and the other 185 days, they are with you.

So, IEP teams, rather than play the blame game as to whose responsibility it is–it’s BOTH. Both of you should be addressing this with the student.

Understanding Teen Social Development

It’s important to understand the social development of teenagers. Here are some key points that I’ve learned about the topic. Keep in mind, while I’m generally not a fan of age milestones, what is “age appropriate,” and I celebrate all levels of ability–ages do give us a frame of reference.

If your child is a teenager, you should already have some idea how far behind their peers they are, if they have lagging skills.

Stages of Social Skills Development

During adolescence, teens go through several stages of social skills development.

In the early stage, ages 10-13, teens start to develop an awareness of social norms and rules. Keep in mind that awareness does not necessarily mean compliance. If you’ve ever watched Big Bang or Young Sheldon, you know that in many episodes Sheldon recites the societal norm and what is expected of him. And then goes on to do what he pleases.

Teens may feel self-conscious and awkward in social situations starting at that age.

In the middle stage, ages 14-17, teens start to develop more complex social skills. They learn to navigate group dynamics and may start to form romantic relationships. This is also a time when teens start to develop a sense of identity and may experiment with different social roles.

In the final stage, ages 18-21, teens are typically more comfortable with social interactions and have a better understanding of social norms. They may also start to develop more meaningful relationships with peers and romantic partners.

Impact of Social Media on Social Skills

Social media has become a ubiquitous part of teen life, and it can have both positive and negative effects on social skills development. On the one hand, social media can help teens stay connected with friends and family and can provide a platform for self-expression.

On the other hand, excessive social media use can lead to social isolation and can interfere with face-to-face interactions.

Role of Family in Social Interaction

The family plays an important role in shaping a teen’s social development. Parents can provide guidance and support as teens navigate social situations. They can also model healthy social behaviors and encourage open communication.

However, family dynamics can also have a negative impact on social skills development. For example, if parents are overly critical or controlling, teens may struggle to form healthy relationships with peers.

Or, if the parent themselves struggle with social skills, they may not be able to give good guidance.

Identifying Lack of Social Skills

As an IEP advocate, I often encounter parents who are concerned about their child’s social skills. It is not uncommon for teenagers to struggle with social interactions, but it is important to identify when these struggles may be indicative of a larger issue.

Common Signs and Symptoms

There are several common signs and symptoms that may indicate a teenager is lacking in social skills. These include:

• Difficulty making and maintaining friendships
• Struggles with small talk and initiating conversations
• Limited eye contact or difficulty reading social cues
• Difficulty understanding sarcasm or humor
• Avoidance of social situations or events
• Limited interest in social activities

I want to talk about the eye contact thing. I completely understand why some kids do not give eye contact. And, how it may actually be painful for them to do so. And I acknowledge that eye contact is an allistic social skill.

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t at least say–society expects this. So whether we like it or not, no matter how hard we are advocating for acceptance, most of society still expects us to make eye contact.

The other piece is this. It’s not just about the societal expectation. Eyes are a part of a facial expression, and a person’s eyes can give us more information about the situation.

While I understand why some kids don’t do eye contact, and whether or not you encourage them to do this is up to you as a parent…..they are missing out on context clues or pragmatics in scenarios. And, when you’re missing information, sometimes you make a decision you wouldn’t make if you had different information.

Differences in Introversion and Social Skill Deficits

It is important to note that not all teenagers who struggle with social interactions have a deficit in social skills. Some teenagers may simply be introverted or shy, which can make social interactions more challenging.

However, it is important to differentiate between introversion and social skill deficits.

Introverted teenagers may prefer to spend time alone or in small groups, but they are still able to make and maintain friendships. They may also be comfortable in social situations, but prefer to observe rather than participate in conversations.

Teenagers with social skill deficits, on the other hand, may struggle to make friends and may avoid social situations altogether. They may also have difficulty with basic social interactions, such as making eye contact or initiating conversations.

Identifying a lack of social skills in teenagers is important in order to provide appropriate support and intervention. By recognizing common signs and symptoms, as well as differentiating between introversion and social skill deficits, parents and mental health professionals can work together to help teenagers develop the social skills they need to thrive.

Strategies to Improve Social Skills

There are several strategies that can help teenagers improve their social skills. These strategies include communication techniques, social skills training programs, and role-playing and practice.

Helping a child who is lacking social skills can be challenging, but there are several effective strategies that parents can use to support their child’s social development:

1. Model Social Skills

Children often learn by watching others. Demonstrate positive social interactions by using polite language, maintaining eye contact, and showing empathy. When your child sees these behaviors regularly, they are more likely to mimic them.

2. Role-Playing Scenarios

Practice common social situations through role-playing. You can act out scenarios such as greeting someone new, asking to join a group activity, or handling a disagreement. This helps the child understand what to expect and how to respond in various social situations.

3. Use Social Stories

Social stories are short narratives that describe social situations and appropriate responses. These can help children understand social cues, emotions, and behaviors. You can create your own or find examples online tailored to specific social skills.

4. Facilitate Safe Social Opportunities

Provide opportunities for your child to practice social skills in a safe environment. Playdates with peers or participation in structured group activities like sports, art classes, or clubs can help your child build confidence and social competence.

5. Reinforce Positive Behavior

Praise and reinforce any positive social interaction your child has, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement encourages them to repeat the behavior and helps build self-esteem.

6. Teach Emotional Regulation

Help your child recognize and manage their emotions. Teaching them to use strategies like deep breathing, counting to ten, or using words to express their feelings can reduce social anxiety and improve interactions with others.

7. Use Visual Supports

Visual aids, like charts or pictures, can help some children understand social rules and expectations better. A visual schedule or a “social rules” chart can provide clear guidelines for interacting with others.

8. Work with a Therapist or Specialist

Consider engaging a speech therapist, occupational therapist, or social skills group leader if your child has significant social skills challenges. These professionals can provide targeted support and strategies to improve social interaction.

9. Leverage Technology

There are many apps and online programs designed to help children learn social skills through interactive stories and games. These tools can make learning fun and engaging.

10. Join a Parent Support Group

Connecting with other parents facing similar challenges can provide valuable insights, resources, and emotional support. Online forums, such as the one on “A Day In Our Shoes,” are excellent places to ask questions, share experiences, and find community support​.

By incorporating these strategies and being patient, parents can help their child gradually build the social skills needed to interact confidently and effectively with others.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

As a teenager lacking social skills, social anxiety can be a major hurdle to overcome. It can make it difficult to engage in social activities, meet new people, and build meaningful relationships. However, there are several effective strategies that can help you overcome social anxiety and improve your social skills.

Coping Mechanisms

One of the most important things you can do to overcome social anxiety is to develop coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms are strategies that you can use to manage your anxiety and reduce the negative impact it has on your life. Some effective coping mechanisms include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation.

These techniques can help you calm your mind and body, reduce stress, and improve your overall sense of well-being.

Building Self-Confidence

Another important step in overcoming social anxiety is to build your self-confidence. Low self-confidence can make it difficult to engage in social activities and can contribute to feelings of anxiety and insecurity. To build your self-confidence, try setting small goals for yourself and working towards achieving them.

Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and use them as motivation to continue pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. You can also try practicing positive self-talk, such as reminding yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.

Exposure Therapy Techniques

Exposure therapy is a type of therapy that involves gradually exposing yourself to situations that trigger your anxiety. This can help you build up your tolerance to anxiety-provoking situations and reduce your overall level of anxiety. Some exposure therapy techniques that can be effective for social anxiety include role-playing, social skills training, and exposure to social situations in a controlled environment.

These techniques may help you develop the skills and confidence you need to handle social situations more effectively.

Overcoming social anxiety takes time and effort, but it is possible. By developing coping mechanisms, building self-confidence, and using exposure therapy techniques, you can reduce your anxiety and improve your social skills.

Technology and Social Skills

Technology has become an integral part of our lives. We use it to communicate with friends, stay informed, and entertained. However, there is a growing concern that technology is negatively impacting social skills.

In this section, I will explore the impact of technology on our social skills and discuss some ways we can use technology to improve our social skills.

Digital Communication Tools

One of the most significant ways technology has impacted our social skills is through digital communication tools. While digital communication tools like texting, email, and social media have made it easier to stay in touch with friends and family, they have also made it easier to avoid face-to-face communication.

Then there’s the whole gaming thing. Kids are able to engage with other kids online while playing video games. This does offer socialization opportunities for those who struggle with in-person interactions. And then there’s the whole safety piece. Are those people really kids? Or are they grooming your child?

And I have had many clients whose families allowed this to be the only social communication their kids had

As a result, those teenagers really struggled with in-person communication and social interactions.

Some digital communication tools can also be used to improve our social skills. For example, video chat platforms like Zoom and FaceTime can be used to practice face-to-face communication skills with friends and family who are far away.

Additionally, social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok can be used to connect with people who share similar interests and hobbies, which can help build social skills and confidence.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I help my teenager develop better social skills?

As a parent, you can help your teenager develop better social skills by encouraging them to participate in social activities, modeling healthy social interactions, and providing opportunities for them to practice socializing. Encourage them to join clubs or groups that align with their interests, volunteer in the community, or participate in sports teams. You can also model healthy social interactions by being a good listener, showing empathy, and being respectful of others. Finally, provide opportunities for your teenager to practice socializing by inviting friends over, hosting family gatherings, or encouraging them to attend social events.

What are the signs that a teenager is socially awkward?

Some signs that a teenager may be socially awkward include difficulty making eye contact, awkward body language, trouble initiating or maintaining conversations, and avoiding social situations. They may also have difficulty understanding social cues and may struggle to understand humor or sarcasm.

Where can I find social skills worksheets for teenagers?

There are many resources available online for social skills worksheets for teenagers. Some websites that offer free worksheets include Therapist Aid, Positive Psychology, and Social Emotional Workshop.

What are the potential effects on teenagers who don’t have a close circle of friends?

Teenagers who don’t have a close circle of friends may experience feelings of loneliness, social isolation, and low self-esteem. They may also be at a higher risk for mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. It’s important to encourage your teenager to develop healthy social relationships to help them build a strong support system.

At what age should I be concerned about my teenager’s lack of social activity?

There is no specific age when you should be concerned about your teenager’s lack of social activity, as every teenager develops at their own pace. However, if you notice that your teenager is consistently avoiding social situations or is struggling to make friends, it may be worth discussing your concerns with them or seeking the advice of a mental health professional.

What could be the reasons behind a teenager’s difficulty in making friends?

There are many reasons why a teenager may have difficulty making friends, including social anxiety, shyness, low self-esteem, or a lack of social skills. It’s important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, and to provide your teenager with the support they need to develop healthy social relationships.